Johnson’s London Dictionary: Routemaster

ROUTEMASTER (n.) Stagecoach with two floors manned by a clippie with a happy disposition ensuring the publik is taken to their destination safely. Now replaced by a leviathan robustly driven by a man with a sombre demeanour

Dr. Johnson’s London Dictionary for publick consumption in the twenty-first century avail yourself on Twitter @JohnsonsLondon

The London Grill: Oliver Crane

We challenge our contributors to reply to ten devilishly probing questions about their London and we don’t take “Sorry Gov” for an answer. Everyone sitting in the hot seat they will face the same questions ranging from their favourite way to spend a day out in the capital to their most hated building on London’s skyline to find out what Londoners really think about their city. The questions are the same but the answers vary wildly.

Oliver Crane is a decade long black cab driver and founder of Discover Real London (www.discoverreallondon.com), a tour company offering private guided excursions around London and the surrounding areas, all in the comfort of an Iconic London Taxi. When he’s not navigating London’s streets on one of his tours you can find him either on the golf course or spending time with his wife and three young boys.

What’s your secret London tip?

My favourite tip is that there are actually so many free things to do in London if you know where to look! Whether it’s catching the changing of the guard, booking a free place in the sky garden, enjoying one of our world-class museums or strolling through one of London’s Royal Parks, there really is so much to experience for absolutely nothing!

What’s your secret London place?

Leake Street Tunnel. This disused tunnel nestled under Waterloo Station is truly a hidden gem. If you venture down you will be treated to some of the very best street art in the Capital. It’s abundant with street artists on the weekend and the best part is, if you bring a few tins of paint with you, then you will be free to have a go yourself – as it’s completely legal!

What’s your biggest gripe about London?

Roadworks . . . I know it’s a classic but there really is nothing worse when you’re trying to navigate your way around the Capital and getting snarled up in a ton of temporary lights . . . especially when there is no one even working.

What’s your favourite building?

The Gherkin. Norman Foster’s masterpiece is still at the top of the pile for me even after all these years. I love how brave and ground-breaking the architecture is. It really grabbed London’s skyline and dragged it kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

What’s your most hated building?

At the time of writing, it has to be the so-called ‘Marble Arch Mound’. (If you’re reading this beyond 2021 Google it and you’ll be guaranteed a chuckle). At an eye-watering cost of £6 million, this embarrassing tower of scaffold and mud is designed to be a vantage point across Hyde Park, but at 80ft it barely makes it over the trees. The last time I checked it out the plants had largely died and it seemed to be inhabited by flocks of nesting pigeons.

What’s the best view in London?

Primrose Hill. I absolutely love this place and the vista it offers over the city. It’s situated far enough away to offer a broad view of the city, but close enough to pick out the fascinating details of our urban jungle. To top it off, when it’s sunny there is such a lovely vibe at the summit; filled with locals, artists, musicians and happy people soaking up the atmosphere.

What’s your personal London landmark?

St Dunstan’s in the East – A slice of tranquillity in the heart of the square mile. Originally, only known to locals this place is now a mecca for Instagrammers! Check it out and you’ll understand why.

What’s London’s best film, book or documentary?

Battersea Girl: Tracing a London Life by Martin Knight. A fascinating book that portrays an incredibly human tale of London life in 20th century London.

What’s your favourite restaurant?

Hawksmoor, Air Street – Steak and Art Deco . . . what’s not to love?

How would you spend your ideal day off in London?

It would have to be a bite to eat in Borough Market, a pint in one of London’s old pubs such as the Prospect of Whitby in Wapping, accompanied with the Sunday Papers. Then finally a wander down the Thames to catch the sunset over Waterloo bridge.

 

London in Quotations: John Lawton

London’s like a bad set of teeth. There are gaps, there are bad dental bridges just about holding on and there are rotting stumps that needed to be pulled ages ago.

John Lawton (b.1949), Then We Take Berlin

London Trivia: Windmill closes

On 31 October 1964, the Windmill Theatre closed for conversion to a cinema. Its slogan ‘We never close’ referred to the fact that it continued its Revuedeville shows throughout the war.

On 31 October 1971 at 4.30am a bomb exploded at viewing gallery of BT Tower 2 weeks previously a white kitten had felled it on The Goodies

In the 17th and 18th centuries London thief-takers were rewarded £40+ the horse, arms and money of any highwayman they captured and were convicted

Meard Street is not named after the French word merde. It was the unfortunate name of its 1720s developer John Meard

In his will Dickens stipulated that no monuments be erected to his memory, that’s why London has no statues of one of its greatest writers

London Bridge is Falling Down referred to Norwegian King Olaf who suggested destroying the wooden bridge while occupied by Danes

The nursery rhyme Pop Goes the Weasel refers to the act of pawning one’s suit after spending all one’s cash in the pubs of Clerkenwell

In 1840s a ‘Dances of the Dead’ were held in the Enon Chapel, St Clements Lane where 12,000 bodies lay rotting under the floor

In 2012 London became the first city to host the modern Olympic Games three times, having previously done so in 1908 and in 1948

The inaugural journey of the first Central line train in 1900 had the Prince of Wales and the American author Mark Twain on board

In the 1800’s London prostitutes were sometimes euphemistically referred to as ‘Fulham virgins’ inspired by the proximiy of Cremorne Gardens a 19th century ‘pleasure garden’

During a City clean up in 1,340 prostitutes were arrested, among them was Clarice la Claterballock but no record as to how she got her name!

CabbieBlog-cab.gifTrivial Matter: London in 140 characters is taken from the daily Twitter feed @cabbieblog.
A guide to the symbols used here and source material can be found on the Trivial Matter page.

The M25’s Birthday

The M25 is thirty-five today. On 29th October 1986, Margaret Thatcher picked up a cone in each hand and symbolically marched them off to the side of the road. The Department of Transport, who produced a lavish 58-page illustrated brochure to commemorate the opening, had left nothing to chance, right down to a practice run of the removal of a single cone by an employee of a similar build to the Prime Minister.

The inauguration of the M25 was the last major road-opening to generate real public excitement. The queues at both ends of the final section materialised because drivers were itching to be the first to complete a circuit, with crowds waving from the bridges.

It wasn’t long before the M25’s 117-mile orbit was used as an illegal racetrack. Meeting at a service station early on a weekend morning to race round in Porsches and Ferraris trying to complete the circuit in under an hour and therefore at average speeds of over 117mph, including the time taken to stop and pay the toll charge at the Dartford Tunnel. The story of these Cannonball Runs was uncovered by a young reporter for The Times one Boris Johnson.

Dubbed ‘The World’s Longest Car Park’, Capital Radio endeavouring to inform their listeners of any trouble ahead, instigated the Flying Eye, a twin-engine light aircraft kitted out for the purpose. Their reporter in the sky for 20 years was broadcaster Russ Kane, who clocked up 10,000 flying hours and 1.5 million air miles without ever having his seat upgraded. He achieved more circuits of the M25 than any other man alive, but without any of the delays.

Apparently, the people of Norfolk became quite excited when the M25 opened, with many booking up for orbital coach tours with Ambassador Travel of Great Yarmouth. The tours were sold out for months.

In 1998 William Allen, at the ripe old age of 84, set out to drive the few miles to his daughter’s home near Ruislip. Having inadvertently driven onto the M25 at the nearby J16, he spent the next two days going round in circles.

According to satnav company TomTom, 29th July 2011 saw the longest traffic jam ever recorded on the M25, with a clockwise tailback of up to 49 miles between J19 (Watford) and J5 (Sevenoaks).

When in 2005 a £148-million road-widening project was completed between J12 and J15 and a new spur road to Heathrow Terminal 5, it was disclosed that those stuck on the interminable traffic jam are parked on the remains of Wembley’s iconic twin towers that footie fans wanted to remain intact. It’s all over, it is now!

There are 234 bridges under or over the M25 including an aqueduct, two tunnels and over 10,000 street lights.

M25 J8: Reigate Hill Interchange has the longest motorway slip road in the country climbing up Reigate Hill for 1.5 miles to a roundabout.

Approaching J15 on the M25 it has two six-lane carriageways, the widest stretch of motorway in the country, and yet it still gets jam-packed.

North Ockendon is the only settlement within the Greater London boundary to poke outside the orbit of the M25 motorway.

Chris Rea penned Road to Hell at J15 on the M25 in 1989 sitting in a traffic standstill, the scribbled the lyrics later went to charity.

On 20 July 2014 Shepperton Swan Sanctuary rescued 4 pairs of Canada geese and their offspring from the carriageway at J11 of the M25.

Only five London Underground stations lie outside the M25 motorway.

The font used on the road signs is called, unsurprisingly, Motorway. While all distances on signs are given in miles, the driver location signs set at 500-meter intervals for emergency services are, for reason unknown, calculated in kilometres from a point near junction 31. Thus: M25 B 63.4

If you thought the M25 was an original designation:

HMS M25 was a British warship launched by the Royal Navy in 1915 and scuttled in 1919;

The M25 engine powered a Mercedes-Benz racing car in the 1930s;

The M-25 is a star cluster in the constellation Sagittarius;

M25 isn’t even a very original designation for a road, because the Michigan Highway in the USA has been known as the M25 since 1933;

The Novorossiysk Federal Highway across the top of the Black Sea in Russia is also the M25;

The M25 is also a state-of-the-art sniper rifle used by US Army Special Forces and Navy Seals.

Taxi Talk Without Tipping