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Who remembers the characters of London?

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It was a question asked recently on a Black Cabbies’ Facebook Group, because driving around London one would encounter more than a few.

Does London have more per-capita than other cities, are those who are ‘characters’ or have mental issues attracted to the capital, or is this number normal?

  • The guy who lived under the A4 flyover. The ‘birdman’ under the A4 passed away 18 months ago R.I.P
  • The man who prayed at Tyburn.
  • The sandwich board man on Oxford Street.
  • The man at Victoria Station, who was selling the Big Issue and always doing a charity bike race.
  • How about Jimmy King on the corner of Clerkenwell Road and Rosebury Avenue who directed the traffic.
  • Badge man outside Sainsbury in Garratt Lane.
  • What about the scouse man at Harrods selling the Big Issue at the side door been there years, or the Big Issue seller on Southwark Bridge juggling the latest issues.
  • The guy in Fleet Street preaching the Bible in a suit with a bowler hat!
  • The black gent from Notting Hill with the cross over his shoulders who frequented outside Selfridges.
  • The fella from Kennington Lane who rides a bike around the West End at night with all the red flashing lights on his helmet, shouting at anyone who talks to him.
  • Or the guy always in the Holborn area walking about in shorts and no top nearly all year round resplendent in bright colours.
  • Not central London, the old guy on A10 Church Street N9, white hair, suited up, loads of make-up on, waving at the traffic.
  • The fella that pushes a shopping trolley about Marylebone filled with carrier bags.
  • Stanley Green upon retirement from the civil service decided against taking up golf but chose to spend 25 years warning of the dangers of protein. ‘Less Lust From Less Protein’ his leaflets printed in his front room: Eight Passion Proteins with Care went through 84 editions and sold 87,000 copies over 20 years.
  • Pat who helps keep the traffic moving normally at Blackwall Tunnel or Tower Bridge.
  • The Banana Guy at Kings’ Cross who turned out to be a wrong ‘un.
  • Gold Lamé Man, an individual who could still be found, after over 15 years outside White’s Club in St. James’ Street, resplendently dressed in a gold jacket and gold shoes. He divided his time between a certain Lord of the Realm’s club, who he claimed had ruined his business. He blamed Her Majesty for not supporting his one-man crusade but boasted proudly to me that once he saw the Queen watching him from behind her net curtains as he stood outside Buckingham Palace regaling he for not supporting him.
  • About 4ft tall, bus inspectors hat, a jacket ten times too big for him, with the cuffs turned up and sometimes he’d stand in front of you and take your number.
  • Short shorts man.
  • Olive Oyl down the Baze, or also Boots outside a second-hand shop with pimp just around the corner. They were all over that area back in the day.
  • And the old girl that used to hang out of the window on Vernon Street, North End Road, touting her questionable wares and working Notting Hill.
  • The fella with all the overcoats…saw him on a bench today in Talgarth Road, he loves a purple coat and was spotted at St. John’s Wood Road, until he had a punch-up, but was spotted on Victoria Embankment.
  • What about Mary on the bike, the cab driver’s best friend?
  • F**K TAXI cyclist who had his opinion of cabbies (or their vehicles) tattooed on his calves, hasn’t been seen for a good while. The irony of irony is he’s only gone himself run over by an Uber.
  • A blind man outside Selfridges playing the violin very badly.
  • The young fella with the petrol can at Albert Embankment, used to be in Shaftesbury Avenue as well, I haven’t seen him in years, I was told long ago he died from a drug overdose.
  • What happened to the taxi driver that went round singing with a speaker on his cab?
  • What about the old chap with long grey hair that used to run barefoot and just shorts around Knightsbridge/Brompton Road?
  • There was a guy a few years back who used to just sit in the middle of the road in Piccadilly. Still around? ….or squashed?
  • ….and the greatest character of all was Norman Norris, the tap-dancing Busker who lived to the ripe old age of 96.
  • Crackhead at Stockwell Station asking for spare shrapnel any time a cabbie was stuck at the lights. Barely any teeth called by cabbies Ruthless Toothless – he’s not bad.
  • Not forgetting the Paddington Plater on her bike.
  • Had a thought there was a guy that use to tap dance outside Harrods and dressed in a union jack suit, for quite some time…
  • Apparently, there was a bloke who used to stand on the corner of Wormwood Street and Bishopsgate every Friday night to get a cab home to Southend. And he was so well known in the trade, that he didn’t even bother putting his hand up. Don’t know if true.
  • The man with the tattooed face used to open the cab doors for punters at Waterloo rank at night and frighten the life out of you.
  • Remember the bloke with the black crash helmet pushing a green pram, used to see him around Buckingham Palace Road.
  • Does anyone remember paint man? Fella covered in white paint, pushing a trolley of crap, used to sit around Seymour Place area.
  • But my all-time favourite for endurance and cocking a snoop at authority has to be Brian Haw, who on 2 June 2001 decided to begin camping in Parliament Square in a one-man political protest against war and foreign policy. Unfortunately for Brian, the second Iraq war overtook events making him a cause célèbre and preventing him from ever giving up his one-man protest against the forces of the State. Westminster City Council then failed in their prosecution against Brian for obstructing the pavement, later his continuous use of a megaphone led to objections by Members of Parliament. Then in a glorious twist, a House of Commons Procedure Committee recommended that the law be changed to prohibit his protest as his camp could provide an opportunity for terrorists to disguise explosive devices. The Government then passed a provision to the Serious Organised Crime and Police Act banning all unlicensed protests, permanent or otherwise, however, because Brian’s protest was ongoing and residing on Parliament Square before the enactment of the Act, it was unclear whether the Act applied to him. He died in Berlin of lung cancer in 2011, no doubt still regaling the authorities.

If you have any more you’ve seen please add them in the comments section.

Featured image: Phil Howard, a scruffy, beaming Scouser who hung around from around 2000 bellowing through a megaphone at shoppers and office workers. His catchphrase, ‘be a winner, not a sinner’, would extol the benefits of Christianity at Oxford Circus greatly improving the ambience of the area until he had an anti-social behaviour order served by Westminster Council, forcing him to relocate to Piccadilly Circus. Then every evening illuminated by the neon signs revellers could hear him chastising them, telling people they were going to hell because they dyed their hair until that is a second ASBO was served to prevent him from loudly proclaiming his faith. He then relocated out of the West End popping up at other London landmarks as well as major sporting events across the capital, by Rob Fahey (CC BY-SA 2.0)

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Johnson’s London Dictionary: Deliveroo

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DELIVEROO (n.) Steed riders whose perambulations doth obstruct Hackney carriages in their desire to feed their corpulent customers.

Dr. Johnson’s London Dictionary for publick consumption in the twenty-first century avail yourself on Twitter @JohnsonsLondon

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Test Your Knowledge: July 2022

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Sadiq Khan has recently been proposing that Havering should become an inner-city borough and Romford’s character as an Essex market town subsumed into the Metropolis. So this month’s quiz is about my home London borough, where curiously I still have an Essex address, despite paying council tax to a London authority. As before the correct answer will turn green when it’s clicked upon and expanded to give more information. The incorrect answers will turn red giving the correct explanation.

1. There are 32 London boroughs. How many, including Havering, begin with the letter H? (No need to list them – just need the number)
Three
WRONG Seven (unless you’re a Cockney who drops their Hs, in which case it’s zero). They are Hackney, Hammersmith & Fulham, Haringey, Harrow, Havering, Hillingdon and Hounslow.
Seven
CORRECT Seven (unless you’re a Cockney who drops their Hs, in which case it’s zero). They are Hackney, Hammersmith & Fulham, Haringey, Harrow, Havering, Hillingdon and Hounslow.
Nine
WRONG Seven (unless you’re a Cockney who drops their Hs, in which case it’s zero). They are Hackney, Hammersmith & Fulham, Haringey, Harrow, Havering, Hillingdon and Hounslow.
2. The London Borough of Havering was created in 1965 by the merger of the Municipal Borough of Romford, and which Essex urban district?
Upminster
WRONG Hornchurch, reputedly named after a church of ill repute – horn/church.
Hornchurch
CORRECT Hornchurch, reputedly named after a church of ill repute – horn/church.
Rainham
WRONG Hornchurch, reputedly named after a church of ill repute – horn/church.
3. What is unusual about the village of North Ockendon in the London Borough of Havering?
It’s the only inhabited area in Greater London outside the M25
CORRECT It’s outside the M25 — the only populated part of London to be free of Sadiq Khan’s ULEZ expansion proposals. Elizabeth Kucinich, the wife of the U.S. congressman and presidential candidate, was born in North Ockendon in 1977, her husband never was elected to that high office.
Traditionally cabbies won’t go there as it’s regarded as bad luck
WRONG It’s outside the M25 — the only populated part of London to be free of Sadiq Khan’s ULEZ expansion proposals. Elizabeth Kucinich, the wife of the U.S. congressman and presidential candidate, was born in North Ockendon in 1977, her husband never was elected to that high office.
A U.S. President’s wife was born there
WRONG It’s outside the M25 — the only populated part of London to be free of Sadiq Khan’s ULEZ expansion proposals. Elizabeth Kucinich, the wife of the U.S. congressman and presidential candidate, was born in North Ockendon in 1977, her husband never was elected to that high office.
4. The small village of Havering-atte-Bower is home to a stocks and whipping post – a very rare survival in London. Which famous politician visited in 2010, as attested by a nearby plaque?
Boris Johnson
CORRECT Boris Johnson, who was there to unveil an adjacent village sign.
Gordon Brown
WRONG Boris Johnson, who was there to unveil an adjacent village sign.
Ed Milliband
WRONG Boris Johnson, who was there to unveil an adjacent village sign.
5. At the entrance to Upminster Bridge Station, there is an unusual symbol on the floor. What is it?
Swastika
CORRECT The large swastika was put on the floor of Upminster Bridge station in 1934, one year after Hitler came to power.
Pentagram
WRONG The large swastika was put on the floor of Upminster Bridge station in 1934, one year after Hitler came to power.
Treble clef
WRONG The large swastika was put on the floor of Upminster Bridge station in 1934, one year after Hitler came to power.
6. Romford was granted a market by which Monarch?
Queen Victoria in 1847
WRONG The market originated as a sheep market in 1247. Under the Royal Charter of the Liberty of Havering, granted by King Henry III, no other market is permitted to set up within a day’s sheep drive (six and two-thirds miles) of Romford.
Henry III in 1247
CORRECT The market originated as a sheep market in 1247. Under the Royal Charter of the Liberty of Havering, granted by King Henry III, no other market is permitted to set up within a day’s sheep drive (six and two-thirds miles) of Romford.
Edward VI in 1547
WRONG The market originated as a sheep market in 1247. Under the Royal Charter of the Liberty of Havering, granted by King Henry III, no other market is permitted to set up within a day’s sheep drive (six and two-thirds miles) of Romford.
7. Ferry Lane, Rainham gave access to a ferry that once crossed the river, primarily for what purpose?
Taking cattle to better grazing on the south bank
WRONG For centuries until 1854, Ferry Lane, leading down to the River Thames south of Rainham, was the northern boarding point for a ferry that crossed the river, transporting pilgrims on their journey to Canterbury Cathedral.
To pick up Hansom carriages assembled in Erith at a factory located on Bronze Age Way
WRONG For centuries until 1854, Ferry Lane, leading down to the River Thames south of Rainham, was the northern boarding point for a ferry that crossed the river, transporting pilgrims on their journey to Canterbury Cathedral.
To transport pilgrims on their journey to Canterbury Cathedral
CORRECT For centuries until 1854, Ferry Lane, leading down to the River Thames south of Rainham, was the northern boarding point for a ferry that crossed the river, transporting pilgrims on their journey to Canterbury Cathedral.
8. What unique fixture can be seen at the east end of St Andrew’s Church roof, Hornchurch, where you might usually expect to find a cross?
A globe
WRONG A carving of the head of a horned bull (hence Hornchurch). A pineapple placed on buildings used to be a symbol of wealth and status as they weren’t grown anywhere in Europe, one can be found upon St. Paul’s Cathedral.
A pineapple
WRONG A carving of the head of a horned bull (hence Hornchurch). A pineapple placed on buildings used to be a symbol of wealth and status as they weren’t grown anywhere in Europe, one can be found upon St. Paul’s Cathedral.
A bull’s head
CORRECT A carving of the head of a horned bull (hence Hornchurch). A pineapple placed on buildings used to be a symbol of wealth and status as they weren’t grown anywhere in Europe, one can be found upon St. Paul’s Cathedral.
9. What stopped at Maywin Drive, just north of St. Andrews Church, Hornchurch?
The Ice Age advance
CORRECT In 1892 the Romford to Upminster branch line was constructed and an unexpected seam of boulder clay overlaid by sand and gravel was exposed. The Essex Field Club investigated and discovered several Jurassic fossils that could only have been carried from the Midlands by an ice sheet. Since then, with all of the construction taking place in London, no such glacial deposition has been found further south than Maywin Drive, Hornchurch.
The Peasants’ Revolt
WRONG In 1892 the Romford to Upminster branch line was constructed and an unexpected seam of boulder clay overlaid by sand and gravel was exposed. The Essex Field Club investigated and discovered several Jurassic fossils that could only have been carried from the Midlands by an ice sheet. Since then, with all of the construction taking place in London, no such glacial deposition has been found further south than Maywin Drive, Hornchurch.
The first Green Line bus
WRONG In 1892 the Romford to Upminster branch line was constructed and an unexpected seam of boulder clay overlaid by sand and gravel was exposed. The Essex Field Club investigated and discovered several Jurassic fossils that could only have been carried from the Midlands by an ice sheet. Since then, with all of the construction taking place in London, no such glacial deposition has been found further south than Maywin Drive, Hornchurch.
10. What unusual event occurred at Gallows Corner in 1932?
A meteorite landed
WRONG In 1932, a Metropolitan Police car collided with a cow at the junction. The animal was so badly injured it had to be destroyed. It was, in all probability, the last time the authorities had to sanction an execution at Gallows Corner.
A cow was executed
CORRECT In 1932, a Metropolitan Police car collided with a cow at the junction. The animal was so badly injured it had to be destroyed. It was, in all probability, the last time the authorities had to sanction an execution at Gallows Corner.
The locals declared self-rule for Romford
WRONG In 1932, a Metropolitan Police car collided with a cow at the junction. The animal was so badly injured it had to be destroyed. It was, in all probability, the last time the authorities had to sanction an execution at Gallows Corner.
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Johnson’s London Dictionary: Shakespeare’s Globe

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SHAKESPEARE’S GLOBE (n.) Eponymous playhouse that’s neither owned by the Bard, nor doth appear spherical.

Dr. Johnson’s London Dictionary for publick consumption in the twenty-first century avail yourself on Twitter @JohnsonsLondon

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Johnson’s London Dictionary: Museum of London

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MUSEUM OF LONDON (n.) A repository of historic memorabilia soon to be much frequented by tourists doth startled to view horseless stagecoaches driven through its basement.

Dr. Johnson’s London Dictionary for publick consumption in the twenty-first century avail yourself on Twitter @JohnsonsLondon