You can always spot someone from Havering Park: They might be fat, but they have a great haircut. This was the conclusion of a customer of my barber.

The tongue-in-cheek remark had some merit. Once we had a fishmonger, 2 butchers, 3 hardware shops, more grocers you could shake a stick at, 2 greengrocers, chemists, a camera shop, library, jeweller, a plethora of banks and building societies, and even a pet shop.

Now, all we have is a dozen or more hairdressers and takeaways in every available shop unit.

Now thanks to Mercure Hotels we have the definitive list of takeaway names. Obviously, the mega-chains have been excluded: McDonald’s, KFC and Burger King. While some smaller outlets have been creative in finding a punning name: The Codfather, Fishcotheque, Wok-you-like or Nincomsoup, which have not made the list.

The top 10 are rather blander:

1 Charcoal Grill (yes we have one of those)

2 Morley’s (South London based)

3 Best Kebab (yes we also have one of those)

4 Perfect Fried Chicken (another one on our High Street)

5 Munchies

6 Favourite Chicken and Ribs

7 Tops Pizza

8 Chicken Express

9 The Grill

10 Sam’s Chicken (North London based)