At long last plans for the 2012 London Olympics opening ceremony have been unveiled. Eastenders it ain’t, looking more akin to Larkrise to Candleford, with bucolic scenes of synchronised sheep herding, parallel ploughing and no doubt a pageant of pedalling policemen riding their bikes – let us just hope Midsomer Murders are not to be recreated.

Taking inspiration from London’s old quaint street names such as Farm Street and Covent Garden the ceremony’s artistic director Danny Boyle could have created a vista of London in days gone by.

Haymarket would have a carnival of cabs each with their obligatory bale of hay protruding from the boot.

[I]nstead of bankers wearing their Saville Row suits walking down Milk Street in the City of London, a parade of milk floats would set the scene of how we want to be seen by the world.

The alleyway north of Covent Garden called Floral Street could be the inspiration for multiple Mary Poppins selling posies with a Dick Van Dyke chimney sweep.

Then there is Lincoln’s Inn Fields, Stable Yard, Chalk Farm Road, Coram’s Fields and Garden Road . . .