For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

Man’s best friend (16.03.09)

Dogs are called Man’s Best Friend and this week’s blog is an excuse to include a picture of cabbie.blog.com’s best friend.

Cute they may be, but not so appealing for some motorists.

According to the vehicle breakdown service, the RAC, dogs are the most frequent animal offenders and several have managed to shut their owners out of their vehicles on garage forecourts by activating the locks with their paws. Its patrols have also attended incidents where dogs had swallowed car keys and damaged vehicles by chewing the wires and steering wheels.

Animals are also to blame for other incidents. One patrol was called out to a car that wouldn’t start to discover a family of rats living in the fuse box, where they had chewed through all the wires. Another patrolman had a more traumatic day; he had to fix a van taking an alligator to a zoo. Another speedy patrol helped restart a transporter taking a cheetah to a zoo before it was dinner time!

A kitten being driven to his new home panicked on arrival and escaped into the dashboard of the vehicle. The entire dashboard had to be dismantled. Similar call-outs involved snakes, mice and hamsters hiding within the vehicle.

A particular favourite of mine involves a patrolman opening the back of a broken-down van to be startled on finding 17 pairs of eyes staring back at him belonging to a cast of falcons.

Another RAC member was mystified as to why he couldn’t unlock his car and, on arrival, the patrol had to point out that he was trying to get into the wrong vehicle.

One motorist had more money than sense when he managed to lock £80,000 in cash inside his boot.

One in three of the motoring organisation’s patrols also reported that they had arrived at a call-out to find amorous couples in the broken down vehicle.

A survey of its patrols found 39 per cent had helped a motorist get to a life-changing event, such as getting to a wedding on time and one even reported helping to deliver a baby.

RAC patrol person of the year Iain Vale said: “Our patrols respond to around 2.7 million roadside assistance call-outs every year and this survey reveals the extent of the very odd and unusual nature of what sometimes awaits us. Whether it’s meeting members who keep their dog’s ashes in an urn in the car, calls asking whether they can extend breakdown cover to their electric wheelchairs, or a new kitten that’s panicked and hidden in the dashboard, we get our hands dirty.”

The RAC’s other bizarre call-outs included:

A hapless groom nearly didn’t marry his bride when he locked the wedding rings in his car.

A £30,000 violin had to be rescued by a RAC patrol from a jammed seat belt so that its owner could get to a concert in time.

One RAC patrol rescued a referee on his way to a football match just hours before the game was due to kick off.

Another patrol rescued a police car, stuck up to its windows in mud having chased a runaway criminal across a ploughed field.

Fat Cats

Don’t worry about the collapse of the banks, the credit crunch and the looming recession, this is really serious stuff. The Department for Environmental, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA), has just published a report that puts all these other problems in the shade.

Owners of fat cats and obese dogs could be fined up to £20,000 or jailed under these new controversial Government rules! No, it’s not a wind-up and I’m not having a laugh, it goes into detail to remind pet owners of their responsibilities under the new law.

It tells owners to provide “entertainment” ad “Mental stimulation” for pets, making sure upstairs windows are “cat-proofed” to stop animals from falling out and to avoid taking dogs for a walk in the hottest part of the day. Pet owners should also ensure that they give animals a suitable place to live and “somewhere to go to the toilet”.

So don’t forget, the next time your cat or dog is looking bored, entertain them with a song and allow them to join in the family quiz for their mental stimulation. And if your dog asks to go “walkies” and it’s hot outside, just lead him into his private toilet. I shudder to think just how much of the taxpayer’s money has been spent on this patronising and ridiculous Bill that assumes all pet owners are dopey.

For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

Your number’s up (13.03.09)

Now all of you from countries that take pride in your national identity take note. It is now officially illegal to have British, English, Scottish or Welsh flags displayed on your vehicle number plate or for that matter French, German or Italian flags displayed – but it goes without saying that you can have the European Union flag.

Thousands of ordinary motorists have been unwittingly breaking the law after this mendacious Government backtracked on a promise to legalise the display of National flags on vehicle number plates. Ministers had said they would take action to exempt British drivers from European Union inspired legislation, which also outlawed the Cross of St. George, the Scottish Saltire and the Red Dragon. But of course, that promise was never kept and it is only now that the true purpose of this legislation has been revealed. This absurd fiasco means that for the past seven years motorists with national flags displayed on their number plates have unknowingly been risking prosecution, a fine of £1,000, an MOT failure for their vehicle or a stop note and an overhaul failure on their taxi if they have the temerity to display a national flag on their number plate and indeed some motorists have been successfully prosecuted for this.

Under the current regulations in their original form, the only insignia allowed is the 12-star circle of the European Union. Motorists have to choose either a plain plate without a symbol or one with the European Union emblem and the letters GB on the left-hand side. Of course, these so-called ministers, who think they are speaking for the whole country, claimed the move was justified, like English, Welsh, Scottish and Northern Ireland symbols would only confuse the police forces of other European Union countries. How can these Ministers even contemplate this thinking? Do England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland not exist then? This shows you how far the corrupt European Union has intruded into the workings and laws of ordinary citizens all over Europe.

When the entire population has been given a criminal record and is on the National Register Database, will our wonderful politicians finally be happy and sleep peacefully? Is this some sort of master plan to stamp out any last vestige on national identity or pride?

Gordon Brown and his fellow European bureaucrats’ should note that people want a national identity, going down this long slippery slope increases jingoistic feeling and an attitude of Little Englanders. Stop it now before it is too late because across Europe we have some serious identity problems, your well-paid gravy trains are not worth it.

For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

The most dangerous single organism on Earth (09.03.09)

Happy New Year to all readers of CabbieBlog. So by now, you’ve broken your New Year’s Resolution; have gone back to work to find another round of redundancies being announced; have overspent at Christmas, and are waiting for those credit card bills to drop on your doormat.

It could be worse, far, far worse. As a diversion from Cabbies’ Weekly Whinge, spare a moment to reflect on Thomas Midgley an American mechanical engineer turned chemist. While lauded at the time for his discoveries, today his legacy is seen as far more mixed considering the serious negative environmental impacts of his innovations. One historian remarked that Midgley “had more impact on the atmosphere than any other single organism in Earth history”.

In December 1921 Midgley discovered that the addition of tetra-ethyl lead (“TEL”) to gasoline prevented internal combustion engines from “knocking”. The company dubbed the substance “Ethyl”, avoiding all mention of lead in reports and advertising. Oil companies and carmakers, especially General Motors which owned the patent strenuously promoted leaded fuel as an alternative to ethanol or ethanol-blended fuels, on which they could make very little profit.

The subsequent addition of lead to gasoline eventually resulted in the release of huge amounts of lead into the atmosphere, causing health problems around the world. Midgley himself had to take a prolonged vacation to cure him of lead poisoning. “After about a year’s work in organic lead,” he wrote in January 1923, “I find that my lungs have been affected and that it is necessary to drop all work and get a large supply of fresh air”.

In April 1923, General Motors created the General Motors Chemical Company to supervise the production of TEL by the DuPont Company and placed Midgley as vice president. However, after two deaths and several cases of lead poisoning at the TEL prototype plant in Dayton, Ohio, the staff at Dayton was said in 1924 to be “depressed to the point of considering giving up the whole tetraethyl lead program.” Over the course of the next year, eight more people would die at DuPont’s Deepwater, New Jersey plant.

Dissatisfied with the speed of DuPont’s production using their “bromide process”, General Motors and Standard Oil created the Ethyl Gasoline Corporation in 1924 and built a new TEL plant using a more dangerous high-temperature “ethyl chloride process” at the Bayway Refinery in New Jersey. Within the first two months of its operation, the Bayway plant was plagued by more cases of lead poisoning, hallucinations, insanity, and then five deaths in quick succession. On 30th October, Midgley participated in a press conference to demonstrate the “safety” of contact with the substance. In this demonstration, he poured tetra-ethyl lead over his hands, then placed a bottle of the chemical under his nose and breathed it in for sixty seconds, declaring that he could do this every day without succumbing to any problems whatsoever. However, the plant was decisively shut down by the State of New Jersey a few days later, and Standard was forbidden to manufacture TEL there again without state permission.

In 1930, General Motors charged Midgley with developing a non-toxic and safe refrigerant for household appliances. He (along with Charles Kettering) discovered dichlorodifluoromethane, a chlorinated fluorocarbon (“CFC”) which he dubbed Freon. CFCs were also used as propellants in aerosol spray cans, metered-dose inhalers (asthma inhalers), and more. In recent years CFCs have been attributed to causing severe damage to the Earth’s ozone layer.

In 1940, at the age of 51, Midgley contracted polio which left him severely disabled. This led him to devise an elaborate system of strings and pulleys to help others lift him from bed. This system was the eventual cause of his death when he was accidentally entangled in the ropes of this device and died of strangulation at the age of 55, and they say there is no justice in this world.

Such is life.

For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

White bikes (05.03.09)

They are becoming a familiar sight alongside many British roads. More than 100 old bicycles painted white and chained to lamp posts and railings have sprung up at danger spots over the past year.

Dubbed ‘ghost bikes’, they have been put there to warn motorists approaching dangerous bends to look out for cyclists and, in many cases, have been left at locations where riders were killed.

The UK campaign was started by road safety campaigner Steve Allen after his friend James Foster was struck by a drunk driver doing 55mph on a 30mph road as he cycled in north London. Angry at what he believed to be a lenient sentence, Steve set off on a quest to highlight the dangers for cyclists on Britain’s roads.

Mr Allen established a United Kingdom branch of Ghost Bikes a group that operates in 43 countries. Picking up the bikes for a pittance from landfill dumps and scrap metal merchants he painted them white in his back garden. Now more than 100 of them are to be found in London, Oxfordshire, Manchester and Brighton, although local councils have removed many of them.

One of the white bikes is on a junction in Hackney, North London. It was erected in April after the death of cyclist Anthony Smith, 37, who was crushed by a lorry.

For once does not have much to say, just it’s a pity these selfish drivers that I see every day on London’s roads didn’t for one moment think what these bikes mean. Keep up the good work Steve.

For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

I’ve Got The Hump (27.01.09)

Kwik Fit Fitters could be the sponsors for these carbuncles growing on virtually every street in The Capital. Every regular driver in the City knows to their cost these humps inflect on the suspension.

Last week I encountered 127 road humps on a single shift, yes I know I’m an anorak but I derive a perverse pleasure compiling these statistics.

Putting in 50 standard humps on three or four connecting residential streets costs about £150,000 and some of the more upmarket ones are wonderful works of art, worthy of exhibiting in the Tate.

In the Borough of Islington, they have even constructed humps on short cul-de-sacs, now it is proposed to remove them and impose a blanket of 20 mph on all roads in their borough.

Some of my customers even ask me to make detours of up to a mile to avoid these obstructions in Islington and have you noticed the nouveau rich now buy 4x4s just so they can travel over these humps at 40mph, while the rest of us mere mortals, apart from white van man can only go at only half their speed?

Do emergency vehicle drivers have to wear gum protectors to spare their teeth when on a shout?

So here’s my suggestion, if we are to keep vehicle speeds down to a reasonable level, cameras loads of them. Okay I know we have more CCTV cameras in London than we can shake a stick at, and average speed cameras are useless as journey times across the Metropolis are down to Victorian averages. A set of eight average-speed cameras covering four residential streets cost £250,000.

Produce the cheaper normal speed cameras concealed in hanging baskets and stick them on every lamppost, a double whammy, beautiful streets and an income for The Burgers of London.

And you never know Rachel de Thame might be tempted on Gardener’s World to extol the virtues of speed cameras in hanging baskets, or should she appear on Top Gear with Jeremy Clarkson.

Don’t get caught speeding, travel by Licensed Black Taxis for your comfort and security. Complementary opinions are available on current affairs, politics and football. Ask any driver for details!