For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

Nailing my colours to the mast (25.08.09)

When American tourists get into my cab they will ask me questions about the Royal Family, never do they want to know about Gordon Brown or Tony Blair for that matter.

But once again the cost of keeping our Royal is up for debate. Unable to criticise the Queen whose frugality is legendary, these Republicans (including the BBC) seize on the petty extravagance of minor members of the Royal Family, whose only job is to provide us with much entertainment.

At 69p per person in this country, the cost of having our Royal Family is minuscule compared to the extravagance of politicians; their international travel to “summits”, chauffeured cars, and don’t get me on the expenses scandal, which has laid bare the greed at the heart of The Palace of Westminster.

When will we in this country learn to stop spitting on our good luck and to keep the precious possessions our wiser parents fought for and handed to us on a plate?
The question that should be asked is not what do the Royal Family get, but what powers do they stop others from receiving.

For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

Sponsor A Pothole (18.08.09)

Now here’s a question for you, and no conferring. How many potholes are there on Britain’s roads? The answer is to be found at the bottom of this post.

Oxford City Council has proposed a plan to “Sponsor A Pothole” because it does not have enough funding to cover the cost of maintaining the streets. A spokesman said the scheme would “reward” businesses and local people who paid for pothole repairs with roadside signs “in honour” of their contribution.

London’s worst offender has to be The City of London its roads are so bad they have better roads in Iraq. As a cabbie, my arms ache with the vibration travelling up the steering column, when traversing the City’s streets.

It’s amazing, isn’t it? One of the wealthiest square miles in the world and the streets that Dick Whittington imagined were paved with gold, now need a 4×4 to negotiate.

So instead of discarded McDonald’s packaging left in the gutter, soon we might have signs proclaiming in no parking yellow “I’m Lovin’ It” stencilled across the tarmac.

For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

The Yellow Peril (14.08.09)

Call me a naïve cabbie, but I thought that the yellow police appeal signs were a sensible way of helping to solve crime and not merely a vulgar way to decorate London’s streets. But it would appear the bright yellow police signs appealing for witnesses to serious offences will no longer decorate London’s streets.

In an attempt to reduce “fear of crime”, the Metropolitan Police has effectively banned the use of the distinctive signs in all but exceptional circumstances. Presumably rape, murder and armed robbery don’t constitute “exceptional circumstances”, because they were the only ones to gaily bring colour to the pavements of Brixton and Peckham.

Now officers can request their use in exceptional circumstances, but any such requests must be authorised by a “specialist crime directorate commander”. So I want you all to go down to your local nick and request to talk to your “specialist crime directorate commander”. He’s not to be confused with the odd job crime directorate commander who’s in charge minor crimes like dropping litter and allowing your dog to foul the pavement.

Someone in the higher echelons of the Met has become aware that in crime hotspots several yellow signs were being put up at once and presumably thought it showed the police in a bad light, as if crime was out of control.

For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

Open All Hours (11.08.09)

Open All Hours (11.08.09)I’m bereft; my little corner hardware shop has closed. The family-owned Aladdin’s cave for do-it-yourself has served the community for more than 60 years closed after losing its battle against the recession, rising rent – and gangs of youths.

Opened just after the Second World War, this little gem of a store has been passed down through three generations of the same family, and has become something of an icon in our town centre.

The owner, who has worked in the store since he was a 12-year-old, attributes its decline with the loss of nearby Woolworth’s store which has deterred customers from shopping in the area and rent rises.

He has also had to contend with gangs of youths, who loiter outside the shop, frightening away many of his older customers. The boys in groups of up to 14 hang around outside the supermarket next door, getting in the way, swearing at customers, asking customers to buy them drink and cigarettes and abusing them if they don’t.

When I had no idea what I needed for the task in hand, a small description to John or Jim, describing it as: “a square gizmo, you know that one that . . .” and they would patiently find the required item, carefully wrap it (in a brown paper bag naturally) and charge me but a few pence for the item, the advice was gratis.

Now if I want a left-handed thingamajig, I’m going to have to drive two miles to an enormous out of town warehouse, park in their car park with its burger van improving the ambience of the retail park by dispensing food, just in case I feel peckish after my long drive.

Nobody around inside to advise me, if I do stumble across my goal, it will be packed in 50s, my local shop would sell one item if necessary and all the time on the tannoy announcements “will the ‘ardware managa’ come to the front desk”..

2022 Footnote: It has been transformed into, what else? A Costa Coffee shop.

For those new to CabbieBlog or readers who are slightly forgetful, on Saturdays I’m republishing posts, many going back over a decade. Some will still be very relevant while others have become dated over time. Just think of this post as your weekend paper supplement.

An In-Convenience Truth (07.08.09)

Westminster Council who aspires to become the most anti-social borough in London must be fearful that it is in danger of losing its ranking. For not content with pursuing a regime of traffic enforcement that the Taliban would like to emulate, they now have turned their attention to a more basic function than parking offences, namely toilets.

Over the past few years public conveniences have been closing at an alarming rate, so critical has it become, that London Mayor Boris has even suggested that private shops and restaurants open their doors (so to speak) to facilitate the public’s needs.

Then recently under cover of darkness, in a clandestine operation, Westminster Council filled the public conveniences at Oxford Circus with concrete. But never mind they provide a text-based service providing you with all the information you need to find a toilet in their borough (80097 TOILET at a cost of 25p if you’re interested). I was told at 9.20 in the evening that I would have to walk best part of a mile from Oxford Circus to use one of their toilets.

The more charitable among you might presume that the time was chosen so that drivers were not inconvenienced (sorry again about that) by the lorries. But I would remind you that Westminster Council now collects more income from parked cars than from taxpayers, so they are hardly car friendly.

The Council plans to provide a £5 million diagonal pedestrian crossing at this intersection modelled on the Shibuya crossing in Tokyo, ignoring the fact that, while Japanese assiduously cross a road at the designated points, in London jaywalkers are knocked down on a regular basis in Oxford Street, completely ignoring the correct crossing points.

Westminster City Council’s Cllr Danny Chalkley said while commendably keeping a straight face: “This new crossing, which will transform Oxford Circus and ensure visitors who emerge from the Tube are impressed by what greets them, is part of a whole series of improvements taking place to ensure the West End looks truly world class in time for 2012.”

The developers hope to have the new crossing ready in time for the Christmas lights switch-on in November. It is just a pity no-one will be able to have a pee.

As a footnote, in 200 years time when archaeologists are excavating these Edwardian toilets they might be surprised to find mummified corpses down there encased in concrete, caught having their last “comfort stop” before Westminster poured concrete down the staircase.